Wearing a Monkey Onesie for Halloween

“Method Acting Not Encouraged”

Halloween is my second least favorite holiday. As I was explaining my hatred of the pressure to be somewhere and to have the perfect costume to a friend, he snapped his fingers at me and said, “You’re a Thanksgiving guy, aren’t you?”

After I made him teach me that cool finger snapping trick, I agreed with him. Thanksgiving is the best holiday because the pressure is incredibly low – show up, eat food, get slightly sauced, and throw food at family members (my family does Thanksgiving differently perhaps).

New Year’s Eve is the worst holiday, and Halloween comes in right behind it. I always forget about this bizarre holiday, and then boom, Halloween arrives and punches me right in the face with its stupid pumpkin pressure. Beyond having a cool location to go to (since I’m too old to trick or treat), the costume has always been the most frustrating part of Halloween to me.

For a while, I tried to go with pure wit for my costume – my best attempt being a tuxedo with a nametag that said, “I’m Sorry”

A formal apology, get it? After that fiasco, I decided to hang up my witty spurs and go with something simple and easy.

This resulted in two years of bliss, dressed as a Blue Crayon. It was easy, people got excited when they saw it, and I could just stuff it in my closet. It got thrown away in my most recent move, so suddenly I had to come up with a new costume this year.

I originally ordered a Clint Eastwood Cowboy costume, but it didn’t make the grade, so I panicked and ordered a Monkey onesie from Amazon. My girlfriend was going as Jane Goodall, so I figured it would work out.

The Monkey was superb. Although it got mistaken for a bear quite frequently, it was clear that I was wearing a costume, so most people didn’t ask too many questions. The tail was fun to waggle at people, and Jane Goodall was appreciative.

Wearing a Monkey Onesie – 4 out of 5 Stars

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